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It’s extremely important to maintain your power with the women you date.

Because when you maintain your power in your relationship dynamics, women respect you more and it keeps them engaged and interested.

But when you give away your power, women see you as less attractive. It’s a turn-off and they stop feeling as excited about you.

So if you want to have more success in dating and avoid rejection, knowing how to maintain your power with the women you like is a big deal. 

What is power in dating?

Ultimately there are only two kinds of power we have in dating.

One is the power to give someone our energy and attention, and the other is to take it away…

We only want to be giving our energy and attention to the women who deserve it.

In situations where we find either that we are not compatible with her, that our feelings aren’t being reciprocated by her or that she’s not fully respecting us, the right thing to do is to take our energy and attention away from her.

But many women don’t believe they have the power to do this. Because they are too terrified that if it doesn’t work out with this person, they’ll never find anyone else to love. So walking away doesn’t feel to them like an actual option. This means that instead of holding onto their power and wielding it, they pretend that the other person is the only one who has it.

But this is a fiction.

It’s an unattractive distortion of reality.

Anytime you are too afraid of losing someone to walk away from them, you’re presenting yourself as smaller, weaker, and needier than you truly are. And even when it’s only subtle, it’s still a huge turnoff to the other person.

Maintain your power instead.

Do you want to maintain your power instead of giving it away?

If so there are four simple rules you can follow to preserve your respect in all relationships and to protect yourself from women messing with your head and heart.

The first rule for maintaining your power with the women you date…

The first rule is: believe in love…

You have to force yourself to believe that you will eventually find a partner and you must refuse to think negative thoughts that tell you otherwise.

When you believe you’re destined to find someone, you stay motivated to continually get out there, try new things, go to new places and meet new people, which is why believing in love makes it so much more likely you’ll get lucky and find someone.

But the opposite can also be true. Some people are so sure they’ll “never find someone” that they approach dating with complete cynicism. And because they don’t believe their loneliness will ever end, they are less open and less likely to say yes when they get invited to try new things or go to new places or meet new people, and so they miss all the opportunities that could lead to real-life chance encounters.

That’s why believing you’ll never find love is so dangerous.

Now you might be asking: how can I believe in love, if I don’t know for sure if I’m ever going to find someone?

And you might be thinking believing you’re guaranteed to find love will cause harm – because what if it doesn’t happen?!? Then I’ll be disappointed…

But that logic is totally backwards.

Believing in love gives you more confidence in dating. It takes the pressure off every interaction. It lets you go to sleep at night knowing that even if you’re alone today, it’s just a matter of time before someone amazing shows up to share your life with, which is a yummy happy thought to go drift into sleep thinking about.

Whereas believing that you’re likely to end up alone creates pain, it makes every date a stressful affair, it makes every lonely night feel like a deep abyss that will never end. It creates a tremendous weight on your shoulders and a dark cloud over your head.

Believing you’re not going to find love just sucks.

So here’s the good news. If you currently believe you’re not going to find someone that belief can be changed.

Because beliefs are just thoughts that we have repeated to ourselves enough times that we became convinced that they are true.

Because the mind learns by repetition. And the more we hear something, the more we think it’s right.

For anyone who thinks they’re never going to find someone – you don’t think that because it’s true. You think that because you’ve told it to yourself so many times that it seems real.

So what you have to do, starting now, is tell yourself something different, something better, until you believe that instead.

For example, when I was paralyzed by my own fear of being alone, I knew I had to train my brain to be more positive. So I forced myself every single day to say: I’m so grateful that hot lesbians are everywhere. I’m so grateful that love is real. I am so grateful that someone I’m attracted to and excited about is going to find me and love me and be a part of my life in perfect timing, and we are going to be so happy together…

I would fill up pages of my journal writing those sentences over and over, page after page, day after day. I would repeat it to myself time after time, while I was waiting in line or showering or making dinner.

And it worked.

Forcing myself to believe those things made me way more optimistic and it gave me far more confidence in dating.

The truth is: Whether it takes 5 days, 5 months, or 5 years, if you keep putting yourself out there and growing as a person, you will eventually meet someone you can start a relationship with.

Telling yourself otherwise just creates a self-inflicted handicap.  

So when those disempowering thoughts come up, set yourself right by telling yourself fifty times that hot lesbians are everywhere, that love is real and that someone you’re attracted to and excited about is on her way into your life in perfect timing to love you back just as much as you love her.

And Let yourself feel really good about the implications of that – about all the happiness and connection you will get to share when you meet. Focusing on that will give you so much more power in dating.

The second rule for maintaining your power…

The second rule you must follow to maintain your power with the women you date is you must accept what’s true.

It’s very important whenever you meet someone you like, to get real about whether or not she wants you back the same way.

Because attraction is not a choice, and people don’t really change.

If we meet a woman and she doesn’t feel attraction for us, there’s pretty much nothing we can ever do to change the way she feels about us, and if we try, it just comes off as annoying.

We hurt ourselves when we invest energy into hoping someone who doesn’t want us will change her mind.

When we’re really attracted to someone, it can be natural to try to look for proof that maybe she does want us back. (Because we wish she would!) But when we do that, we are not being objective.

It’s very important to closely (and objectively) observe how women feel about you, how they respond to your energy, and how much they do or don't desire you.

Even if you discover she's not that into you, it's better to know than to not know. 

And rejection is ultimately no big deal. Because when someone doesn’t choose us, it means she’s not the right person for us. The fact that she rejected you means there are things you don’t know about her that would make the two of you incompatible together, and you’re better off moving on.

When you embrace this truth and accept it fully, you avoid giving away your power to women who don’t deserve it.

The third rule for maintaining your power…

The third rule you must follow to maintain your power with the women you date is to axe the disinterested.

If you can tell someone isn’t super into you, then the best thing to do is let it go, stop trying and forget about them.

It’s a red flag when someone doesn't reciprocate your interest.

It’s very important that you quickly stop pursuing anyone who is not excited about you.

There’s no reason to keep trying to make it work with women who are not naturally drawn to you, because they are never going to change how they feel, because attraction is not a choice.

There are other women you’ll be more attracted to who will want you back just as much as you want them.

By never wasting time on women who don’t want you back, you’ll never risk giving away your power to them.

The fourth rule for maintaining your power…

The fourth rule you must follow to maintain your power with the women you date is to keep your eye on the prize.

You are eventually going to find love, and when you do you’re going to be so happy. Keep remembering this fact, and let it warm your heart anytime you get discouraged.

Since you will eventually find love, it means the person you’re going to be with is out there somewhere right now. And wherever she is, she’s definitely missing you just as much as you miss her, because you’re her person and she hasn’t found you yet.

You two are going to be so happy together. And it doesn’t matter who else rejected you in the past, because the woman you end up with won’t care about that. In fact, she’s going to be grateful nobody in the past decided to keep you, because if they did she wouldn’t have gotten to be with you.

That’s why you never have to let rejection diminish your power. You always have the option to find someone else to love. No matter how many times you get your heart broken, there’s always someone else who you will eventually meet who you will love just as much. You don’t have to depend on women from the past to get the love you want in the future.

If the woman you’re currently dating can’t love you the right way, there’s always someone else who can and will.

As long as you remember this and act accordingly, you will maintain your power with all the women you date.

So until next time keep remembering that hot lesbians are everywhere, that love is real and that if you’re not already with the woman of your dreams she’ll be showing up in your life in absolutely perfect timing.

With softness,

Jordana Michelle



If you want lesbian dating advice from me more often, follow me on Instagram @jordana.michelle.

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