There are three categories of games that get played in dating.
Emotional games, power games and sexual games… and I’m going to go through each one by one.
Emotional games work by driving you crazy and making you upset.
Women who play these games do things like:
And that’s the idea.
Because the more upset she can make you, the more you think about her and the more she owns your attention. And there are two main dangers that arise out of this. One is in the early stages of dating and the other is in the later stages of a relationship…
In the early stages of dating the danger from women who play emotional games is that it can cause you to fall for someone that you otherwise wouldn’t have fallen for if they weren’t playing emotional games with you…
Ideally we want to fall for someone because of how attracted we are to her and how much we respect her and enjoy her company.
But when someone plays emotional games, they hijack our heart for the wrong reasons.
Because when someone is making us jealous or giving us the silent treatment or causing fights, all of that is very upsetting. But it works to her advantage. Because the more upset she can make us the more important she feels to us, because we don’t get upset about things unless they’re important to us.
But she only becomes important to us by driving us crazy.
So that’s the danger of emotional games early on in dating. They’re a very unfair, immature way to get us to us fall for someone we never otherwise would have chosen…
The danger of emotional games in the later stages of a relationship is that she can use them to always get what she wants, regardless of what you want.
Because if our partner is giving us the silent treatment or making us jealous or starting fights when we just want to have a nice time together – and if we know we can get her to stop behaving that way if we just give in to whatever thing we disagree about – then more often than not, we are going to give in.
Because otherwise we know she’s going to torture us.
And that’s the danger of emotional games in the later stage of a relationship. They’re an extremely unfair way to get what you want from another person.
While we’re on the subject of emotional games, it’s important to acknowledge that lots of people think that emotional games are what keep relationships exciting and interesting, and they would find it totally boring to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t play emotional games.
And that’s perfectly fine, for anyone who enjoys it.
But for everyone else who doesn’t find emotional games sexy and exciting, they just end up being frustrating and unfair.
So if you find yourself wrapped up in drama with someone new in your life, that’s a sign she could be playing emotional games.
There’s a certain kind of power we get when someone else wants us.
And there are some women who get off on that power. They love it when other people have crushes on them.
They act interested in you at first, to get your attention. But they’re never interested in you. They’re interested in you being interested in them. And once you are, they act purposely unavailable, because it makes them seem more important, which makes you feel insecure, which makes them feel powerful.
A sign that the woman your pursuing is playing power games is if you’re feeling more insecure around her than you normally do around the women you date…
When we feel insecure around someone, our insecurity tells us that maybe they’re cooler or better or more important than we are. But the fact that we feel insecure around them isn’t proof that she’s cooler or better or more important than we are. It’s just a red flag that she might be playing power games.
What you have to remember is that those women purposely show only the most glamorous parts of themselves, and they never stick around long enough for you to see their flaws or to realize that the thing you fell for was just a facade.
Women who disappear before your romance can even start are not worth pining over. The sooner you can forget about them, the better.
Let’s start with seduction: When a woman is seducing you she is saying and doing whatever she can to make you feel as special as possible in order to get you to sleep with her.
This can include flattery, making promises about the future, constantly reaching out, buying you drinks or dinners or presents or vacations or tickets to events…
If you feel like someone is trying to seduce you just because she wants to get in bed with you - you’re probably right. And that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sleep with her, if you think doing so would be fun. But it does mean you shouldn’t get too attached. And it means whatever she’s saying or promising or buying for you should be taken with a grain of salt. Because if she’s just playing games then she won’t be offering you the same things once she gets her sexual needs met. In fact, she might disappear altogether.
But as long as you don’t invest anything emotionally, you can have all the fun you want with seductive players.
A woman who’s playing this game doesn’t ever want to touch you… but she’ll let you think you have a chance with her so that you’ll give her things and do things for her… We humans are very generous with the people we are attracted to, romantically. And this is an easy thing to take advantage of…
For example, I used to work with someone who constantly used her attractiveness to get women to buy her things. She would go out with anyone, even women she had zero interest in being intimate with, just because they offered to treat her to dinner at an expensive restaurant or tickets to an expensive event. She would never let them kiss her or touch her - yet she would never tell them she wasn’t interested in them romantically, unless they directly asked. For anyone who didn’t ask, she’d continue to take whatever they’d buy for her until they finally gave up.
If you’re pursuing a woman who isn’t desiring to be close to you the way you’re desiring her, it means you’re not on the same page.
And the important thing to realize is that attraction is not a choice. If you meet a woman and she isn’t desiring you, nothing you ever say or do or buy for her can change that. There’s no point in chasing women who don’t reciprocate your feelings because they are not capable of giving you the reciprocal love you deserve. But that’s ok because there are hot lesbians everywhere. This world is full of amazing, open-hearted queer women who you’d be extremely attracted to and they’d be just as attracted to you, if you were to meet. So it will be very easy for you to find someone who’s a better fit.
The most important thing is that you not let the women who mess with you keep you from believing in love. Because the world is full of amazing open-hearted lesbians who are exactly your type. These are women who want to connect in the exact same way that you do, and they’d be just as attracted to you as you are to them when you meet.
If you haven’t already found a partner like that, don’t give up.
Hot lesbians are everywhere. Love is real. The woman of your dreams is on her way into your life in perfect timing.
If you want lesbian dating advice from me more often, follow me on Instagram @womenwantingwomen.