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When is it the right time to let a woman know you’re interested in her?

Have you ever been unsure about whether someone you were interested in reciprocated your feelings?

Well this is really important.

Because when we tell someone we’re romantically interested in them, we make ourselves vulnerable to rejection. And that’s really scary.

So we want to approach this in a way that maximizes our chances that she’ll say she wants us back and minimizes how much we get hurt if she doesn’t.

Figuring out if she's interested...

Many clients come to me with this question when they have a crush – someone they’re talking to, who they’re romantically interested in, but who they haven’t yet told how they feel.

When I’ve asked why they hadn’t yet made it clear to their crush that they want to be more than friends, they’ve told me it’s because they didn’t know if their feelings were reciprocated and they were afraid not just of rejection, but also of losing the friendship and the trust they’d earned, which is why they were waiting until they could be more certain about how she felt.

But that’s probably the wrong approach…

Let me explain.

Here’s the truth: If a woman likes you, she likes you. And if she doesn’t, she doesn’t.

If you’re trying to get close to a woman who doesn’t have feelings for you, you’re going to have to deal with that reality sooner or later, and delaying the inevitable is only going to hurt you more than it needs to.

Because searching for certainty about whether your crush wants you back means having to do a lot of detective work.

It means over-analyzing everything she says and does, in search of clues, which means that every single interaction you have with her gets played and replayed backwards and forwards dozens, if not hundreds of times.

And the problem is – thinking about her that much distorts your perception of reality.

Because the more time you invest in thinking about someone, the more important they become to you, the deeper you fall, the higher the stakes feel, and the more devastated you’ll be if it ultimately turns out that she’s not interested in you romantically.

That’s why waiting it out before letting your crush know you want her is so emotionally risky.

It’s better to know the truth early on than to waste time fixating on someone who doesn’t want you back.

Rejection is no big deal.

Nobody wants to get rejected. Of course.

But finding out someone doesn’t reciprocate your feelings just means you can move on and find a mutual spark with someone else, which will inevitably make you far happier than any one-sided attraction ever could.

The only thing that keeps us stuck pining over crushes who don’t want us back is the fact that we don’t currently know of anyone else in the world who we are more attracted to or excited about.

And since we don’t know for sure who else is out there for us, we consider that to be “evidence” that the person we’re currently crushing on is the ONLY ONE on earth who has what we’re looking for.

But that is completely false.

She’s not the only one.

Hot lesbians are everywhere.

Hot lesbians are everywhere – all over the world.

There are 8 billion people on this planet and you haven’t ever even seen or met 99.99% percent of them.

The idea that there’s nobody else who would be as good for you as the woman you’re crushing on is a lie – a dangerous lie – and the more you believe the lie, the more you will over-value your crush while undervaluing yourself and blocking yourself from giving other available women the chance they deserve.

The truth is that this world is full of beautiful, exciting open-hearted queer women who will be just as attracted to you as you are to them if you ever meet each other.

Every day there are new queer women who are moving towns, breaking up, coming out of the closet and starting to date again.

So that’s why – anytime you’re romantically interested in a woman, the best thing to do is put it out there right away.

The fact that you want them is a compliment – it’s nothing to hide or be ashamed of – there’s nothing wrong about feeling attracted to someone, and there’s nothing wrong with letting her know.

And if she’s not into it, that’s no big deal – you didn’t do anything wrong and neither did she.

You can still be friends and feel good around her, as long as you confidently understand that it’s no big deal when one person doesn’t want to love and connect that way with you because there are always countless other women who will want you instead.

So the next time you like someone - go for it, see what happens, and don’t worry.

And no matter what, just keep remembering that hot lesbians are everywhere, that love is real and that the woman of your dreams is on her way into your life in perfect timing.

With softness,

Jordana Michelle



If you want lesbian dating advice from me more often, follow me on Instagram @jordana.michelle.

If you enjoyed this blog, then be sure to check out my other popular videos:

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The 5 Biggest Red Flags In Lesbian Dating.

The Games Women Play In Lesbian Dating.