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When is the right time to move in with your girlfriend?

This is important.

Because lesbians have a reputation for jumping into serious relationships really quickly.

The joke is that we bring a moving truck to our second date. 

And sometimes that’s fine. Because moving in with the right person at the right time can bring you closer and improve both your relationship and your life. 

But moving in with the wrong person can mean getting stuck in the relationship far longer than it’s healthy to be there, which can be a frustrating, confusing, paralyzing  and, often, quite expensive setback in life. 

So that’s why it’s a big deal to understand what you’re getting into before you move in with someone. 

The pros and cons of living together…

There are lots of benefits of moving in with someone…

People are busy, life is expensive and relationships are hard.

By living together, you can share more free time, save money and get to really see how you work as a couple. 

On the other hand, the biggest drawback of moving in together is the fact that most relationships end in a breakup. 

And breakups are hundreds of times harder when you live together, because one person has to move out.

And this means finding a new place to live, getting accepted on a new lease, paying upfront for a downpayment, splitting up your stuff and then also covering the cost of movers. 

When two people live together, separating can take months, which means the couple is stuck sharing a home together, despite that one partner wants to break up.

This can be incredibly painful for the one who doesn’t want the relationship to end, and being stuck together during that time prolongs any healing that needs to happen. 

But just because something can be hard doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing…

The mere fact that breaking up with someone you live with is harder, doesn’t invalidate how valuable the experience of living with someone can be. 

Even though you can get your heart broken and get stuck in a painful messy move-out situation, if you have a functional relationship with someone, it can make a lot of sense to experience living together and learning the lessons you need to learn about how to be a good partner.

Because broken hearts heal, and life is meant to be lived. 

But that’s only assuming you have a functional relationship with that person. 

The truth is that not all relationships are healthy. 

And if you’re in a relationship that’s dysfunctional, moving in with your girlfriend can leave you far worse off, over the long term, even if it feels fun and easy in the short term. 

There are three kinds of dysfunction that make it very dangerous to move in with your girlfriend: 1. The first is if she’s abusive, 2. The second is if you’re codependent on each other, 3. And the third is if she’s a bad influence on you.

Let’s go through each of these one by one. 

Starting with the case of an abusive partner… 

Abusive relationships are the hardest to get out of. Abusers are controlling, and living together gives them way more control over you, which makes the abusive relationship even more damaging. If you’re dating someone who might be abusive, definitely do not move in with them under any circumstances. 

The second dysfunction that makes moving in together a bad idea is if you’re codependent on each other… 

Codependent relationships can take many shapes. 

They are relationships fuled by lack, not by love. The glue that binds the couple together is guilt, fear and scarcity. 

For example: Staying with someone, just because they’re supporting you financially OR Supporting someone financially, just so they won’t leave OR  Staying together, because each allows the other to get away with things nobody else would tolerate (whether it’s substance abuse, addiction, hoarding, personality disorders, mood swings, severe social anxiety issues or whatever else)... 

In situations like these, being together enables both partners to avoid having to work on their problems and deal with their issues, which causes the couple to become more and more enmeshed.

Codependent relationships block you from growth, keep you locked in negative patterns and they’re extremely difficult to disentangle from. If you ever find yourself in a partnership like this, moving in together is a very bad idea. 

The third dysfunction that makes moving in together a bad idea is if she’s a bad influence on you… 

One of the most important choices we make in life is whom we give our time to. 

The person we become is shaped, by osmosis, from the people we surround ourselves with. We absorb the traits and habits of the people we spend the most time with. 

And since the person we live with is the person we’re around more than anyone, they end up having a huge influence on us.

We end up taking on their lifestyle and habits, which can be very bad for us if we’re dating someone who behaves in suboptimal ways, below the standards we set for ourselves. 

For example:

  • If they’re frequently in bad moods, those bad moods can easily rub off. 
  • If they’re always confrontational, we can end up becoming more confrontational. 
  • If they’re always slacking off or approaching work with a negative attitude, we can end up slacking off and taking on a negative attitude in our own work situations. 
  • If they’re always staying up past our bedtime, we often end up staying up later too, disrupting not just our sleep patterns but also whatever valuable morning routines we had carved out.
  • If their friends are unkind or rude, that can rub off on us too, leaving us less kind than we were before.

And on and on. 

So if you are dating someone you know is a bad influence on you, moving in together is probably not a good idea. 

So those are the three situations where moving in together would be bad for you. Because you will be left worse off, in the long run, than you would have been had you lived apart.

Nobody wants that for you. 

But for everyone else who’s in a functional relationship, moving in together can make a lot of sense.

But only if you want to. You can have a happy relationship and still spend plenty of time together while keeping separate residences, if that’s important to you. 

But whatever you decide, the main thing you have to always keep remembering is that hot lesbians are everywhere, that love is real and that if you haven’t already met the woman of your dreams, she will be on her way into your life in perfect timing.

With softness,

Jordana Michelle



If you want lesbian dating advice from me more often, follow me on Instagram @jordana.michelle.

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