Settling for the wrong woman is a big deal…
But knowing whether or not you’re settling can sometimes be confusing.
Because nobody is perfect.
And relationships are hard.
So even if we partner with the best person we could ever possibly find, it’s still totally normal, at times, to question whether we’re in the right relationship.
Settling means knowingly choosing the wrong partner.
To settle is to commit to a relationship knowing that you’re not a good match, either because you don’t have shared values or mutual respect or romantic chemistry or the ability to work well as a team or some combination of those problems, compounded together.
But it’s not always perfectly obvious...
Because when good relationships inevitably get hard, how do we know if we’re settling or if we’re right where we should be?
The key is to know what’s enough.
The four things that matter most in choosing a partner are:
Having chemistry and attraction is what keep the partnership romantic (so the relationship can be a place where both of you satisfy your physical intimacy needs).
Having mutual respect means you each think the other is a good person, worthy of good things in life.
Having a functional partnership means that you work well as a team and give each other support and emotional nourishment.
And having shared values means you understand where each other is coming from, so you can see eye to eye.
To find a partner that checks all four of those boxes is a rare and beautiful thing.
It’s the absolute jackpot.
And it’s not worth throwing away, even if there could be wealthier or more famous or better looking or funnier potential partners out there.
Because you see, there is a BIG difference between “settling for someone” and “settling down”.
Settling down is about knowing what’s “good enough” and choosing to stay and make the most of that relationship, instead of running away from relationships when they get hard and continuing to search for a level of perfection that doesn’t exist.
Some people are so afraid of commitment that they will find fault with everyone, even those they’d be relatively compatible with.
And on the other extreme - there are some people who are so desperate to have partnership that they glom on to anyone willing to be with them, even when there isn’t chemistry, attraction, respect, shared values or the ability to function well together.
And when that happens it’s not settling down, it’s just settling.
There are four main reasons why women fall into this trap.
The fear of being alone is just a fear, and fears are lies.
If you’re single right now, it’s just a phase in your life, not a permanent condition.
And while loneliness can be painful, feeling those feelings isn’t going to kill you. In fact, the more you learn to tolerate uncomfortable emotions, the stronger you’ll be in all areas of life.
The truth is that real love does exist.
But you’ll never find it if you waste your life settling for the wrong people.
You are guaranteed to find love as long as you commit to putting yourself out there and growing as a person. This world is full of beautiful, exciting open-hearted queer women who will be just as attracted to you as you are to them if you ever meet each other.
Every day there are new queer women who are moving towns, breaking up from bad relationships, coming out of the closet and starting to date again.
That's why there’s no reason to settle.
So until next time keep remembering that hot lesbians are everywhere, that love is real and if you haven’t already met the woman of your dreams, she’ll be on her way into your life in perfect timing.
If you want lesbian dating advice from me more often, follow me on Instagram @jordana.michelle.
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