Have you ever run into a woman who rejected you?
If you’re a queer person, it’s almost inevitable that you will.
Because the queer community is super small and interconnected - and the longer you’re out, the more you run into the same people over and over.
Being around someone who rejected you can be extra intense because it brings out whatever insecurities and fears you already have about “not being enough” and about ending up alone.
But fears are lies.
I have four simple rules you can follow anytime you run into someone who rejected you, and I’m going to go through each of them one by one.
But first, it’s important to understand that most rejections are not personal.
Just because you think she rejected you doesn’t mean she actually did.
The thing is, women are picky.
Most women only like something very specific.
When someone doesn’t want to be with you romantically, it pretty much never means anything about you, what it means is something about her.
It doesn’t mean she rejected you. It means she has an extremely specific type. And it means is that she’s looking for something different.
Not because you’re not good enough, but because some people like cookie dough ice cream, while others like strawberry flavor ice cream…
Almost 100% of the people you thought rejected you didn’t really “reject” you, they were just sorting for the specific flavor they prefer.
Even famous movie stars get rejected.
And everyone has rejected someone else.
If you think you haven’t ever rejected someone, that just means you’re not paying attention.
There are people in your past who would have been open to connecting deeper with you had you been open to it.
You didn’t mean any harm, and it wasn’t personal. But you did reject them.It happens.
That’s why rejection is truly no big deal.
Rejection is never personal, but it is almost always irreversible.
Meaning If you meet a woman and she doesn’t feel attraction for you, there’s pretty much nothing you can do to change her feelings because attraction is not a choice.
That’s why there is no point in chasing women who have rejected you.
Here’s what you should do instead.
The following are the four simple rules you can follow anytime you run into someone who rejected you.
If you happen to lock eyes with her while you’re both looking around, that’s no big deal.
You can nod and smile and acknowledge her presence.
But don’t keep looking at her to try to get that to happen, because that just means you’re continuing to invest more attention in her than she’s investing in you and you’re continuing to show her that she is more interesting and important than anything else you could be looking at or thinking about.
The women who reject us are the last people in the room we should be looking at.
When a woman rejects us she is putting up a boundary, and we have to respect it by not intruding on her space until and unless we are invited.
Nobody likes to be approached by someone they don’t want to talk to.
It’s very important that we avoid being the person someone else is annoyed to talk to.
Even if we were friends before, if a woman has rejected us, the best thing to do is give her space and let her approach us when she’s ready.
This doesn’t mean you have to act awkward and avoid her, especially if you were friends before, but you do have to be chill and take the intensity out of it.
Be gentle and let her come to you.
It’s normal, when we like someone, to look at them with admiration and ignore their faults.
And this is a healthy thing to do, when we’re building a relationship with someone, because when we idealize them it helps us generate the sense that we’re the luckiest person in the world for getting to be with them.
Putting them on a pedestal it makes the relationship better.
But once someone rejects us, it’s unhealthy to idealize them.
There’s nothing “ideal” about a woman who doesn’t reciprocate your feelings for her, and the more you choose to see her that way the harder it will be to give other women a chance.
Idealizing women who already showed you they don’t want you is a form of self-sabotage.
That’s why you have to take her off the pedestal.
Instead of wasting time on women who don’t want you back, focus your attention on all the other women out there who can brighten your life with flirtation, friendship and love.
You are guaranteed to have amazing love in your life as long as you don’t squander your time with women who aren’t capable of sharing that with you.
Every day there are new queer women who are moving towns, breaking up from bad relationships, coming out of the closet and starting to date again.
There are always new women you can meet and pay attention to, instead of ones from the past who have already rejected you. things didn’t work out with.
You have so much to look forward to.
And as long as you follow these tips you don’t have to worry at all if you run into a woman who rejected you.
So until next time keep remembering that hot lesbians are everywhere, that love is real and that the woman of your dreams is on her way into your life in perfect timing…
If you want lesbian dating advice from me more often, follow me on Instagram @jordana.michelle.