Jealousy In Lesbian Relationships
Jealousy…
Jealousy is the overwhelmingly negative emotion we feel when we get triggered by the fear of abandonment.
Jealousy comes up as a combination of insecurity, anger, fear, betrayal, mistrust, sadness, and pain in response to our partner focusing on someone or something other than us (or the fear that they’re going to focus on someone other than us.)
Jealousy is natural.
Even other animals feel jealousy... It’s built into our DNA.
We have emotions the way we have organs (hearts and livers and spleens and stomachs)…
We have emotions inside the body and they are part of our biology.
One of the emotions we naturally feel is jealousy…
But jealousy is a problematic emotion.
Jealousy is problematic for two reasons…
The first reason jealousy is problematic is because it’s unattractive.
Women are attracted to confidence and power.
But jealousy is the opposite of confidence and power.
When we’re feeling jealous we experience a loss of confidence and a loss of power, which is a turn-off to women…
The second reason jealousy is problematic is because we aren’t good at distinguishing between real and perceived threats to the relationship…
Real threats versus perceived threats…
You see… Sometimes feeling jealousy is good…
It’s good for us to feel jealousy when the negative, jealous feeling is as a warning sign that things are really wrong with the relationship itself.
But if we’re in a relationship with someone who is truly loving and honoring us, there’s no reason why we should let jealousy come between us.
When we don’t have a handle on our jealousy we risk sabotaging beautiful relationships.
Knowing the difference…
It’s really important to know the difference between when our jealousy is communicating critical intuition that our partner is doing wrong by us, compared to when our jealousy is simply driving us crazy from a place of insecurity.
If we don’t know the difference we risk losing love and creating misery for ourselves...
When jealousy is our friend…
Jealousy is an emotion that gets triggered by our fear of abandonment.
And sometimes if we feel a fear of abandonment, we feel it for good reasons.
Because not all relationships are created equally…
Sometimes we fall in love with women who are disloyal to us or use us or don’t love us as much as we love them…
And if we feel jealousy while we’re with a woman like that, it’s because we’re really not safe inside the relationship.
Those jealous feelings can force us to see harsh realities that we might not want to see…
Jealousy can be a “wake-up call” that we need to get out of a bad relationship and find someone else who will love and honor us the way we deserve to be loved and honored. (Because real love is available to all of us, if we’re brave enough to never settle for anything less...)
But oftentimes jealousy is dangerous.
The truth is that sometimes we feel jealous and insecure even if we have real love.
We can experience jealousy even if our partners don’t do anything to make us feel that way…
The fear of abandonment is universal and all humans feel it sometimes.
It’s totally normal for us to feel afraid (sometimes) that our partners are disloyal or using us or not as in love with us as we are with her…
But it’s not hot.
Jealousy is founded on insecurity.
And insecurity is an unattractive energy.
And when we feel insecure we act in sub-optimal ways.
We might start fights or give her the silent treatment or act needy or "act out" to get her attention…
We do this when we're insecure because we want our partner to make us feel safe.
But the truth is that there’s nothing in the world our partners can do to make us feel safe if we don’t.
Whether we are confident or insecure is our own responsibility.
Unfortunately some of us were raised in environments where we didn’t get the stable love and support we needed, and that can make us more anxious and insecure in relationships.
That’s normal and it’s not our fault and it’s nothing to be ashamed of...
But that doesn’t mean we have to stay that way forever.
It’s entirely possible to shift anxious and insecure relationship patterns.
It takes is awareness and willingness and commitment to do the inner work, but it can be done.
Get curious about the way you think, feel and act when jealousy comes up. And learn to become aware enough to shift the patterns as they happen.
True love is worth it.
Overcoming our negative patterns is hard work, but true love is worth the effort.
Love is the best.
And when we’re lucky enough to find someone to share true love with, we deserve to enjoy her love as fully as possible.
You and the woman of your dreams deserve better than to let jealousy cause you to fight and mistrust each other.
If you find that you have jealous patterns, that’s a great opportunity to grow yourself into a more confident person. Doing so will save your relationships and it will make you seem sexier (because confidence is sexy.)
Will you take the opportunity?
I hope so.
Until next time keep remembering that hot lesbians are everywhere that love is real and that the woman of your dreams is on her way into your life in perfect timing…
Jordana Michelle
