When I first came out all my straight friends started openly telling me about the times they had kissed girls: As kids, at camp, as a dare, when they were drunk…
Before you’re out, who makes the first move? How do two girls end up kissing when nobody openly admits that they like girls?
Looking back, I had three major chances that I missed when I was young.
A family friend of mine (a couple years younger than I) was obsessed with me and followed me everywhere. Looking back I totally should have tried to play with her hair and cuddle with her. I think she would have been into it and more would have happened from there. We clearly liked each other, but at that time hooking up with girls was nowhere on my radar. I missed the boat.
I was away on an educational trip, and someone smuggled a bottle of vodka to the room the last night and a whole group of girls got tipsy together. One girl, who I thought was cute, stood up and asked the group “I want to kiss a girl! Who’s going to kiss me?” – I so badly wanted to, but I had a boyfriend at the time and I felt like cheating on him wasn’t an option. There were so many other girls in the room, so it would have been a very public situation. I wanted it, but I chose not to go there.
A girl in my sorority told me she once kissed a girl after being dared by her guy friends to do it. I said that was cool, and she agreed and said: “it was hot.” If I knew back then what I know right now I would have made out with her that night. But I didn’t know. I thought (since she was the one who had experience) she should be the one to make the move on me. But it turns out I’m the more aggressive one, between the two of us. And if I tried to kiss her that night, she would have been totally down. But I didn’t do it, and I totally lost my chance. Damn.
I didn’t end up kissing a girl until after coming out, when I was 23 years old.
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