Taking Control of Our Own Arousal, With Pamela Samuelson

How well do you know your own body’s process of arousal?

The crazy thing is that we are born with bodies that are capable of experiencing spectacular states of arousal, but since sex and masturbation are kept private in most cultures, most of us never get actual training in how to access the full range of pleasure we’re capable of.

Fortunately most of us are able to learn for ourselves.

But not everyone does…

Whether due to cultural shame or trauma or any other kind of blockage, many women are unable to access their arousal.

I was one of those people…

Before I realized I was gay I spent many years dating and being intimate with guys.

It was very difficult for me back then, because I never felt aroused when I was intimate with the guys I dated.

I thought there was something physically wrong with me.

I thought it was my fault.

I thought I was an ice queen.

An ice queen…

I would get so anxious before going out with the men I dated that I literally developed a stomach ulcer.

What stressed me out the most was knowing that eventually the moment in the night would come when they’d try to kiss me… And no matter how much I enjoyed their company, I knew that the absence arousal I felt in their presence would undermine any chance we had at connecting…

I didn’t realize I was a lesbian back then.

I’m very lucky because all my blockages to arousal went away as soon as I started dating women.

But not everyone is lucky enough to have their arousal issues instantly fixed by any one change or decision.

The ability to access our arousal is a big deal…

It can be very upsetting if the person we’re dating wants to connect with us in a sexually intimate way, but we don’t/can’t enjoy it.

Arousal matters deeply when it comes to love and relating…

But since the process of arousal is so deeply personal, humans who are struggling in this area are mostly left with nobody they can turn to for help.

Or at least that usedto be the case…

Now there are licensed professionals called, sexological bodyworkers, who are trained to help people learn about their arousal patterns so they can enjoy sexual play, both alone and with partners.

And on this episode of Women Wanting Women I interview Pamela Samuelson, a sexological bodyworker and sex educator based in Los Angeles.

She helps women explore and find a way through whatever is blocking them from access to their own arousal so they can experience all the pleasure their bodies are capable of experiencing.