When we are single we often end up thinking about our ex-girlfriend…
I get emails from women all over the world who want to talk to me about their ex-girlfriend...
Sometimes the breakup was recent, sometimes the breakup was years ago… sometimes it was their decision to end things (but they later regretted it), sometimes it was the ex-girlfriend who left (and they are the ones who “got dumped”)… and sometimes the decision was mutual…
But what all of them have in common is that they are thinking a lot about their ex-girlfriend and they want my help to figure out what to do.
It’s important to realize that thinking about our ex-girlfriend is natural and normal for everybody who is single.
Our human hearts are literally wired to bond and connect.
The need for loving connection is one of the strongest, most basic human needs.
That’s why being single can be so disruptive to people’s lives.
Our hearts have a deep need for love and connection.
But unlike the mind, the heart isn’t the best at clearly expressing its needs…
The mind can use language to express its needs... If we have an idea, we can explain it with words, which is easy to understand…
But the heart doesn’t have language and can’t speak with words. The heart communicates instead with feelings and images.
So when the heart wants to express its need for love and connection, we feel lonely and we see flashbacks of the last time we had the loving connection we are longing for…
What, specifically, are those flashbacks about?
And that’s why we so often think about our ex when we are single!
Remember: the head and the heart don’t communicate well!
So when the heart is expressing its need for love (by making us feel lonely and showing us pictures of our ex), our mind can easily "misread" the message.
Our minds might think “I miss my ex-girlfriend” or “maybe I should call my ex-girlfriend” or “I should still be with my ex-girlfriend”…!
But that’s not necessarily what the heart is saying at all.
The heart is simply reminding us that we need love. And if we are single, the heart is urging us to go and attract another amazing partner into our lives.
This is really important to understand because thinking about our ex-girlfriend can be very confusing.
Thinking about our ex-girlfriend can also cause pain and paralysis, it can make us feel stuck, lonely, rejected, sad, powerless and frustrated.
The worst kind of breakups are when we lose someone we didn’t want to have to let go of.
Maybe because we made a mistake that changed how she feels about us… maybe because she changed in a way that made her stop wanting us… maybe because she never really wanted us in the first place…
But regardless of how it happens, losing love that we don’t want to lose is brutal.
When I was 26 I had an awesome girlfriend and I completely messed up and lost her.
It was awful…
Here’s what happened…
I was trying to get away from a toxic relationship with someone I had been in love with for a year and a half… In order to get away from that toxic situation with my crazy ex, I jumped right into a new relationship with another girl I had met.
This other girl was a better catch in every way than my crazy ex. She was kinder, smarter, hotter (100% my type), more financially secure, plus the sex was exponentially more fun and satisfying.
She was amazing!
But I totally blew it…
My toxic ex continued to email and call me every day, and I continued to be supportive because I still loved her and felt protective over her. So even though I had this awesome new girlfriend, my toxic ex was manipulating me, emotionally.
One day I left for work, forgetting to log out of my email on my amazing new girlfriend’s computer… and she read all my emails and saw the way I was still communicating with my crazy ex…
She accused me of “emotionally cheating” on her and she refused to ever see me or speak to me again.
I was devastated.
I thought I would never find anyone as amazing as she was ever again … I didn’t think any lesbians as amazing as she was even existed…
I thought I was doomed.
I thought even if I found someone else in the future, I’d just be settling, because nobody would ever “really” be as good as she was.
But I was wrong.
The idea that “nobody else will ever be as good” or “nobody else will ever make us as happy” is just a fear. And fears are lies.
All fears are lies.
Stop lying to yourself. Plenty of women can make you just as happy as your ex-girlfriend did.
That ex-girlfriend I lost when I was 26 never even crosses my mind anymore. I don’t look back and think she’s “the one that got away.” In fact, I don’t think about her at all, ever. The only reason I’m thinking of her now is because we’re on the topic…
I’ve had deep, beautiful love since losing that ex-girlfriend, and I’ll have more in the future.
So will you, regardless of who you lost in the past!
That’s what you have to understand.
The world is full of wonderful single women who want to love and be loved.
As I explained earlier, human hearts are wired for love and connection. There are hot lesbians everywhere, with big beautiful hearts who want to find deep meaningful love. You are guaranteed to eventually cross paths with someone that is the right fit for you.
Ultimately the only thing that can keep you from having the epic love you want is self-sabotaging (giving up before you find her) or wasting all your time focusing on women who don’t/won’t/can’t love you the right way.
But both of those things are entirely within your control.
Maybe you won’t end up with your ex-girlfriend who you still miss...
But the love you ultimately find will feel just as yummy, it will make you just as happy, and it won’t be any less amazing (in fact it will probably be better than what you had with your ex-girlfriend or any other woman who refuses to love you.)
When your heart feels lonely and you start to imagine images of your ex-girlfriend (or anyone else from the past), that’s just your big, beautiful heart calling out for love. It has nothing to do with your ex!
Epic love is on its way into your life, and the woman you will share that with is already alive somewhere on this earth right now, waiting to love you.
She’s already all yours.
She’s out there waiting for you, and she deserves your attention far more than any of your ex-girlfriends do.
I’m so excited for the two of you to finally meet.
Until next time, keep remembering that hot lesbians are everywhere, that love is real and that the woman of your dreams is on her way into your life in perfect timing.
Do you want to learn the secret to why some women are magnetically attractive to other females? Watch this video to learn more.
Thank you @advanture_wives for letting me use your adorable picture! Follow @advanture_wives on Instagram