We usually don’t see it coming…
We final meet someone who seems like the kind of woman we’ve been looking for...
When we hang out together it’s amazing. We have fun, we feel connected, it seems like we're both on the same page and that we’re both excited to see each other more…
But in the days that follow all this anxiety shows up and we start to feel uncertain...
Because for some reason she isn’t responding to our messages the way we we’d expect her to if she liked us as much as we like her…
Her replies are short and lame and they take way longer to arrive than they should. She’s not getting into a back-and-forth with us or trying to have us get to know each other better… And we have no idea if or when she wants to see us again…
Is there a reason she isn’t responding more?
Didn’t we just have this amazing date?
Doesn’t she realize how good of a match we can be?
Doesn’t she see how great this could be if she just showed up and let us connect more?
How come she doesn’t see the obvious?
My friend Sammy is really gorgeous and smart and successful.
Her last relationship ended badly four years ago and Sammy has been single ever since.
Last week Sammy met a woman named Dani at a party through mutual friends. It was clear right away that they were both attracted to each other.
Sammy and Dani had dinner a few days after they met, and they spent the night dancing and kissing.
But Dani still isn’t over her ex, and she’s been sleeping with her colleague at work for the past couple of months. So even though Dani clearly enjoyed her night with Sammy, Dani is not looking for love or connection the same way Sammy is.
As soon as Dani woke up after her date with Sammy she got caught up again in the current drama of her life, obsessing over her ex and messing around with her colleague from the office.
But Sammy didn’t know this. – All Sammy knew was that she met someone she liked, they clicked, they have similar interests, they had an amazing time together, they hooked up, they had chemistry… From Sammy’s perspective it seemed to her like she and Dani could be perfect for each other.
Sammy was so excited the morning after her date with Dani. She thought all morning about the text she’d send that afternoon, talking about how much fun she had the night before. She expected Dani felt the same way and that her text message would be replied to quickly and enthusiastically.
But Dani wasn't thinking about Sammy. When Dani looked at her phone it was either her ex or her colleague that she was hoping to hear from, not Sammy. Eventually she got around to replying to Sammy’s messages, but it was never a top priority or something she put much thought into.
Sammy didn’t understand Dani’s back-story and she didn’t realize that Dani had no space in her life to like someone new.
Dani’s disappearing act made no sense to Sammy. She was so confused…
Or at least she told herself she was “confused.”
That week Sammy called me and all of her other friends to go over the details incessantly. Talking about how she and Dani had so much fun together, they had such hot chemistry together, they could be so good together… why doesn’t Dani see the obvious? She went on and on convincing herself and all of us how perfect it could have been with Dani, and she obsessed over the details about what might have gone wrong.
But the truth is that deep down Sammy knew the truth… that Dani simply wasn’t interested.
We might tell ourselves we feel “confused” when a woman isn’t responding to us the way we want, but the truth is that we’re not confused about whether she feels what we feel. We’re confused about why she doesn’t.
We call our friends to obsess over the details because we’re searching for evidence that our intuition is wrong, so we don’t have to face the reality that this woman doesn’t feel what we felt, doesn’t want what we want, and is not on our page…
But no matter how much we liked her, there’s no escaping the simple truth is that this person is not interested in us the way we want her to be. That’s why she isn’t responding the way we expected.
If we’re wondering if or when a woman we like is going to show up for us… if that question is even on the table… that’s a sign that we’re pursuing the wrong woman.
Whether someone else likes us in the first place (or wants to keep seeing us) is not supposed to be the difficult part.
Relationships are hard... but whether the other person likes us (and wants to spend time with us) is supposed to be the easy part.
If isn’t responding or showing up for us in a real way, then the thing we’re falling for is just a fantasy we made up about them, not the reality of who they are and how our love would be.
In that moment it might feel like a huge loss. It might feel like she was perfect for us, and we lost something amazing.
But we didn’t.
The connection we believed we had with that person was one-sided, and therefore nothing more than a projection of our imagination. It was wishful thinking. It was our big hearts just wanting to love (which is brave and beautiful.)
In that example above Sammy was simply pursuing the wrong woman. Sammy thought she and Dani had an amazing connection, but they didn’t. Dani’s attention is caught up elsewhere and there’s nothing Sammy could ever do to change that.
The only thing Sammy can do is walk away, do some self-care to get over the disappointment, and look for love somewhere else.
Because love is real.
All of us are capable of finding amazing love with someone who we can spend our lives with.
There is someone out there waiting for us and the only thing that can keep us apart from her is ourselves. We push away our future partner the more we waste our time pursuing women who can never (and will never) give us what we want and deserve from love.
If you are still single right now then it means that the big love of your life is out there somewhere.
This is an absolute fact because she is the one woman you are going to spend your life with. And if you haven’t found her yet it means that she hasn’t found HER soulmate yet either (since YOU are her soulmate.)
And that sucks for her.
It can be hard to live without soulmate love, and that’s why we know for sure that your future love is missing you just as much as you miss her.
When you two meet, it will be so easy.
She is going to be just as excited about you as you are about her.
You will feel confident about yourself and the connection you share. She will make you feel wanted and appreciated and safe. She will give you all the love and attention she has to offer, not just crumbs.
Anything less than that is unacceptable. If a woman shows up offering less, then she’s not your soulmate.
So if you want to find your soulmate sooner, the first step is to stop wasting time on the wrong women.
When we feel lonely it’s normal to want to cling to the hope that this person (who we just met) might be the one.
But when we feel confusion and uncertainty and frustration that she isn’t responding or communicating in a way that feels meaningful… then the shortest path to real love is to walk away as fast as possible.
Don’t let a woman who refuses to love you the right way keep you from the woman who will!
Are you willing to show your soulmate how tough and brave you are by closing the door quickly when women don’t show you the interest you deserve?….
I talk about this more in the video on the top of this page. So check it out and leave a comment and subscribe to my YouTube Channel if you haven’t already.
Until next time keep remembering that hot lesbians are everywhere, that love is real, and that the woman of your dreams is on her way into your life in perfect timing!
Do you want to learn more secrets of female same-sex attraction? If so, watch this video now.