Loneliness and Lesbian Dating
We need to talk about loneliness…
Because when we’re overwhelmed by loneliness it can lead to depression and desperation and massive self-sabotage…
And those are the very conditions that make it harder to find love in the first place, which then only leads to more loneliness…
So this is a really big deal.
Inevitable…
It’s important to understand that being single and alone are inevitable at some points during our lives…
The simple truth is that during some points in our life we won’t have a partner…
That’s inevitable.
But what’s not inevitable is that we be tortured by our loneliness.
It’s not inevitable that our loneliness get the best of us…
That’s why it’s really important that we be able to experience loneliness without it overwhelming us.
Loneliness is painful…
There’s no denying the fact that loneliness can be super painful.
In fact, studies have proven that in the long-run loneliness can be dangerous for both our bodies and our minds...
A recent study revealed that married people live longer than single people. So being lonely can literally make us die younger (which is crazy.).
And it has been shown prisoners can actually go insane if they are held for too long in solitary confinement (kept away from the company of other people and forced to be lonely).
So loneliness is bad for our bodies and our minds…
And it just plain sucks…
Anyone who has been single and lonely understands how hard it can be not having love, not having someone to sleep next to, not having someone to hold hands with, not having someone special to share our thoughts with…
Over time that can really make us feel lost, and confused and insecure…
But beware…
No matter how bad loneliness can be, it’s better than one particular alternative.
Because unfortunately there is one very terrible solution that people often turn to in order to avoid loneliness…
And is settling for the wrong person.
When we “settle” in love, what we’re saying is that avoiding loneliness is more important to us than holding out for amazing love.
And even though it might seem like a reasonable alternative to being lonely, the reason that settling is a terrible strategy for avoiding loneliness is that it simply doesn’t work.
It doesn’t work.
In the long run, settling only leads to more loneliness.
Because if we choose someone we don’t honestly believe is an ideal partner (the kind of love that makes us feel lucky every day), then there will always be a part of us that feels a little bit disappointed every time we look at her…
And over time that builds up and we can start to resent her for that.
And she’ll resent us, too.
Because everyone deserves to be treasured by our partners.
We all deserve to be treasured.
We all deserve to have a partner who feels that we are the most precious treasure she ever found on this earth.
And our partner deserves to have us feel that way about her.
And if we settle we’re not going to feel that way.
So she’s going to resent us and we’re going to resent her.
And over time that resentment builds up and leads to contempt…
And when a relationship is infected with resentment and contempt, that will eventually lead to estrangement…
That’s why, in the long-term, settling is a terrible solution to loneliness.
Here’s the good news…
The good news is that loneliness itself isn’t actually a problem…
The problem is simply our inability to tolerate our loneliness…
The real problem is our inability to handle our loneliness (or to handle ourselves when we’re feeling lonely)…
And this is really good news because the ability to handle loneliness (and to handle ourselves when we feel lonely) is a skill that anybody can master.
A skill that anybody can master…
Anyone who wants to can learn to become more comfortable when experiencing uncomfortable emotions.
Anyone who wants to can learn to be more at peace, even when going through difficult emotions like loneliness or sadness (or even anger.)
Being able to handle ourselves in the face of unpleasant emotions is a skill that anybody can learn.
This is something that seekers have been seeking to be able to do for as long as humans have been around having emotions.
For as long as there have been humans having emotions there have been people seeking ways to become more and more comfortable with these emotions.
There are countless ways of doing this.
The world is literally full of strategies for tolerating and riding the waves of the painful emotions that come up for us.
Seriously…just walk in to any book store and check out the “self-help/personal-development” section and you will find more methods for learning to cope with loneliness than you could ever put into practice in one lifetime.
In fact, in my class Magnetic Attraction For Lesbians , I teach how painful emotions (including loneliness and sadness and anger) can be used to make ourselves sexier and more desirable to other women.
But that’s just one method…
It doesn’t matter which method we use. What matters is that we develop the skill.
Because it’s a requirement.
A prerequisite for finding love…
Finding the love that we want REQUIRES that we learn how to increasingly tolerate our loneliness. Because there are only two things that can keep us from finding the love we desire and deserve in this lifetime:
- self-sabotage, and
- wasting time with the wrong women…
And loneliness will perpetuate both of those things.
Let me tell you a story…
My friend Lisa simply cannot handle feeling lonely.
She hates sleeping alone so much that she always ends up sharing her bed with someone.
Because she has (literally) zero ability to tolerate the feeling of sleeping alone, she ends up spending time with women she doesn’t really like.
Lisa would rather have a sleepover with a woman she doesn’t desire or respect, just in order to make sure she’s never alone.
Also, Lisa abhors going to her friends’ birthday parties or weddings without a date… The feeling of being at those kinds of events without a date makes her feel way too lonely and “pathetic.” So she always brings someone with her, which means she’s never fully available to meet anyone new when she’s out in social environments.
Lisa’s inability to tolerate her loneliness is very the reason she hasn’t found the love she longs for. And that’s why she’s so terribly lonely in the first place.
It’s a vicious cycle.
Loneliness perpetuates loneliness…
If we can’t handle our loneliness, we risk sabotaging our chances of love and wasting time with the wrong women. And those are pretty much the only two things that can keep us from finding the love our hearts are longing for.
That’s why the relationship we have with our loneliness can be the thing that “makes or breaks” whether or not we find true love in this lifetime.
And that is why it is so important that we develop the skill of tolerating our loneliness (and all of our uncomfortable emotions).
And it is entirely within our control to develop that skill.
(And if you want to learn my favorite ways for doing this, then definitely check out my class Magnetic Attraction For Lesbians .)
But whether you use my favorite methods or any other kind, the important thing is that you commit to becoming more and more comfortable, even with the most painful emotions…
Because the truth is that love is real.
Love is real…
If you’re not currently with the love of your life, it means that there is someone out there waiting for you.
And as long as you don’t self-sabotage or waste time with the wrong women, you will eventually be with her.
And what you need to understand is that this woman already exists. She’s alive right now, somewhere on this earth.
I don’t know where she is. But I know for sure that she’s missing you just as much as you miss her, and she’s just as lonely as you are.
So when you feel loneliness, it might not even be your loneliness that you’re feeling.
When you feel loneliness, it might be that what you’re feeling is your future love’s longing for you.
So the next time you experience a wave of loneliness, don’t let it make you feel lonely. Instead try to recognize that this feeling is actually the future love of your life calling for you. Instead of letting it upset you, try to use the feeling as an opportunity to connect with this woman who misses you and needs you. Put your hand on your heart and close your eyes and promise her that you will never give up until you have her in your arms. Because she’s out there waiting for you, and she needs you to be strong for her.
That’s a much sexier way of handling your loneliness, and you owe it to her…
So until next time, keep remembering that hot lesbians are everywhere, that love is real and that the woman of your dreams is on her way into your life in perfect timing.
With softness,
Jordana
